A load of…

Author: reality  //  Category: comedy, reality

Usually it would be crap, in this instance its snow.. A load of Snow.. what do you do with it? We here in the midwest shovel, blow, scrape, brush off, and plow it.. but do you know…it also has to be loaded out?

I can just see the cast for this one.. The abdominal snowman is the truck driver and stimpy from Ren & Stimpy is the one driving the bob-cat.

What the hell is that in the current economic crunch.. loading out snow? We can’t look at it in some cities, we can’t have it in the middle of the bed in our bedroom communities.. we can’t pile it up at the end of the parking lots or leave it melt.. there are towns out there..that pay people.. alot of overtime, alot of headache..to make the snow disappear.  I think Frank Zappa would have been able to write a really good song on that one..

Uh..oh.. don’t ya know.. we gotta load out that yellow snow! I am telling you people..it isn’t yellow..it’s fresh..powdery snow.. so.. next time.. y’all are walking through your sleepy little village or your bustling busy town..if the snow banks or piles are gone.. ask yourself.. did someone load out snow?

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Winter Wonderland

Author: reality  //  Category: News, reality

Winter wonderland my ass, I’ve had it up to my ears in white stuff, bitter cold and the weather forecasters that drone on and on about the snow coming for Christmas. IT’s HEAR - it was -7 and it ain’t gonna go no where, so shut the hell up!

Anyone longing for a white christmas, it’s in Chicago - if your in the tropics, let’s house swap! Not wife swap, trained my guy right and he trained me, but sadly, I will not see him for the holidays, because he will be out spreading “beat juice” on the streets, yeah, you got it beat juice, because we are in a salt crisis, but my car sure doesn’t look like it, there’s salt residue all over the car, so salt crisis my ass!

We know the roads are bad, you can look out your flippin window and see the cars are moving slow.  We are all gonna get somewhere eventually, I’m hoping they have Hot Damn where ever I go, that will warm ya to the bones.  Cinnamon Schnapps, and the weather forecasters begin to take on a new meaning.  If you are out there driving in what is essentially a blizzard or large snow fall, don’t wine to the reporters, about I’ve been in the car for six hours..wahhhh.. they feed on this mentality..put your big boy pants on, shut the hell up and stay home next time!

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What not to wear…!

Author: reality  //  Category: comedy, reality

Obviously it’s WINTER BOOTS! It’s Chicago - it’s 2 flipping degrees, and the snow is about to fly! I know that because my  husband has called me 4 times today with the weather update.  I didn’t know I married Jerry Taft!

I have an old pair of Sorel boots, they are big, bulky and beginning to leak, not fun for the footies when it’s 2 degree’s out.  My shoe shopping venture started the week after Thanksgiving, realizing perhaps the Black Friday Shoppers cleaned out the stores, I went back out looking for winter boots.  Remember, it’s going to snow for the love of god and trust me, I know there is a beach chair with my name on it somewhere south of the equator, getting there is another story.

So, when is the first day of Winter? Did they change it? I thought it was December 21st, if I’m wrong, I guess I missed that email.  WHY in Chicago, with winter not even having breathed down our necks for a month, you can’t find any winter boots?

Are they all buried with Frank Zappa?

Dreamed I was an Eskimo 

(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)

Frozen wind began to blow 

(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)

Under my boots 'n around my toe  - UNDER MY BOOTS.. WHAT BOOTS MR. Zappa -
you obviously never visited any of the Chicago Suburbs Stores before winter hit? 

Target, Kohls, Famous Footwear, Kmart, Marshalls & TJ Maxx, all in a row, holy crap,
you can almost drive from town to town in the shopping center parking lots..
scary when your brother..aka Jesus is always correct - more on that
some other day.. 

I'm bootless on my journey..wait..one last stop.. Payless -
had one pair of Thinsulate Boots left.. I didn't care what size
they were, my dogs were gonna fit in them.. 

Now I just gotta find a way to get the circulation in my feet back!
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Death of Radio Shack a Project Runway or Run-a-way?

Author: reality  //  Category: Reality TV, reality

Radio Shack was the place for electronic freaks when I was growing up…cool parts and kits galore.  Archer stomp boxes and everything (Good Quality Stomp Boxes too) and all the parts that go inside.  Try and find one venue like that now.. NEVER HAPPEN.. unless you are on the crew of Myth Buster’s, I’d sure like to know who their suppliers are.

You could always go to Radio Shack and find what you needed for your wildest projects, they were top dog.  I think you need a new CEO Radio Shack, one that was a hacker of sorts growing up and not a bean counter. Shame on Radio Shack for deserting the American Public, the dreamer and inventor those that wanted to try and get a project accomplished, one that wouldn’t runaway from a project.

I want to build my stuff, not buy all ready made, all the time. Where is Alan Bradley, Archer, etc..? You know what I am talking about, you had the right stuff, where did it go? Are all those projects dead to our society? Our the kids so wrapped up in Dancing With The Stars, The Bachelor, Extreme Makeover and Survivor that we don’t need projects?

When is the last time you heard of someone hitting something head on and creating a project that we used to be able to do from a kit?

Profit over product, that sounds smart to me, look at Wall Street and all the latest bullshit, don’t forget where you came from, I don’t want my tax dollars bailing people out that make idiotic decisions, and than say “poor me”

I say get your shit together..

Idolizing the “American Idol” giving up quality time to enhance your mind with the likes of Super Nanny, Wife Swap and Hells Kitchen, I remember when we could produce our own Hell’s Kitchen with basic experiments that actually taught us something.

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Reality before Ron White

Author: reality  //  Category: comedy, reality

Went to our “county seat” on Saturday - Waukegan, Illinois - it’s a seat for sure, not sure which toilet it came off of, even though it’s actually improved the experience in dining is one for the books.You can’t always get what you want.. but you can try sometimes.. we tried… to no avail

I printed out my little sheets of area restaurants, assured by my better half there was a restaurant right across the street from the Genesee Theater, gorgeous old place, a must see actually. Well needless to say, Jacks Restaurant is opening in Summer of 2008, and it was the last day of summer, and it was not open.

Pull out the stack of papers from my pocketbook and head over past Washington Street, to Bistro 17, well.. closed for remodeling.  We decided we would back track it, over to Opera Pub or something of the name, all we cared it said, Grill & Bar.. well, what part of Grill is it when they don’t serve food.

“Frozen Pizza, all we got” we got on out of there, it felt as if we were un welcome.

Back down the street to Fong’s - Chinese, I can handle that and a beer.  Ron White goes on at 7:00 we are 2 minutes from the theater and it’s now 10 minutes to 6, plenty of time. Well, understaffed and misunderstood!

Comedy routine waiting to happen, we order, start eating the appetizers, that mind you - were not ours, only did we realize that half way through. My son & husband got their food at 6:20, our friend John got his at 6:30,  he realized it wasn’t what he ordered either.. oh well, keep eating John, they may take it away..

Mine came at 6:40, I ordered Chicken Fried Rice, the rice was not fried, it did have Chicken, as well as Shrimp & Steak.. here sat our dear friend Linda, no food in front her, longing to eat, it was than, I had to wonder, are we part of Candid Camera, is this a bad reality show? As 6:45 approached, the waitress came over to Linda, with crab rangoon, not what she ordered, out of the mouth came…..

“Chicken Screwers take-A  too lonnnng, you eat-A somethi’ else!”Set the plate down & walked away.. lights, camera..Hello Waukegan!

Ron White Kicked Ass!

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