Winter wonderland my ass, I’ve had it up to my ears in white stuff, bitter cold and the weather forecasters that drone on and on about the snow coming for Christmas. IT’s HEAR - it was -7 and it ain’t gonna go no where, so shut the hell up!

Anyone longing for a white christmas, it’s in Chicago - if your in the tropics, let’s house swap! Not wife swap, trained my guy right and he trained me, but sadly, I will not see him for the holidays, because he will be out spreading “beat juice” on the streets, yeah, you got it beat juice, because we are in a salt crisis, but my car sure doesn’t look like it, there’s salt residue all over the car, so salt crisis my ass!

We know the roads are bad, you can look out your flippin window and see the cars are moving slow.  We are all gonna get somewhere eventually, I’m hoping they have Hot Damn where ever I go, that will warm ya to the bones.  Cinnamon Schnapps, and the weather forecasters begin to take on a new meaning.  If you are out there driving in what is essentially a blizzard or large snow fall, don’t wine to the reporters, about I’ve been in the car for six hours..wahhhh.. they feed on this mentality..put your big boy pants on, shut the hell up and stay home next time!

Obviously it’s WINTER BOOTS! It’s Chicago - it’s 2 flipping degrees, and the snow is about to fly! I know that because my  husband has called me 4 times today with the weather update.  I didn’t know I married Jerry Taft!

I have an old pair of Sorel boots, they are big, bulky and beginning to leak, not fun for the footies when it’s 2 degree’s out.  My shoe shopping venture started the week after Thanksgiving, realizing perhaps the Black Friday Shoppers cleaned out the stores, I went back out looking for winter boots.  Remember, it’s going to snow for the love of god and trust me, I know there is a beach chair with my name on it somewhere south of the equator, getting there is another story.

So, when is the first day of Winter? Did they change it? I thought it was December 21st, if I’m wrong, I guess I missed that email.  WHY in Chicago, with winter not even having breathed down our necks for a month, you can’t find any winter boots?

Are they all buried with Frank Zappa?

Dreamed I was an Eskimo 

(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)

Frozen wind began to blow 

(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)

Under my boots 'n around my toe  - UNDER MY BOOTS.. WHAT BOOTS MR. Zappa -
you obviously never visited any of the Chicago Suburbs Stores before winter hit? 

Target, Kohls, Famous Footwear, Kmart, Marshalls & TJ Maxx, all in a row, holy crap,
you can almost drive from town to town in the shopping center parking lots..
scary when your brother..aka Jesus is always correct - more on that
some other day.. 

I'm bootless on my journey..wait..one last stop.. Payless -
had one pair of Thinsulate Boots left.. I didn't care what size
they were, my dogs were gonna fit in them.. 

Now I just gotta find a way to get the circulation in my feet back!